Really... just what the heck WAS I thinking???

Anger, n.
1. an emotion, subjectively experienced as an aroused state toward someone or something perceived to be the source of an aversive event;
2. A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

Hurt, adj.
1.a wound or pain; to be painful;
2. wounded, physically injured;
3. pained
v.
4.to cause (a creature) physical pain and/or injury;
5. to cause (somebody) emotional pain;

Betray, v.
1. fail: disappoint, prove undependable to; abandon, forsake
2. deceive: cause someone to believe an untruth

I took him back... I forgave the past, I couldn't quite forget, but I forgave it and was willing to move forward for what I thought we shared. I thought he was one of my best friends, my match... I was was wrong and I have learnt a hard and painful lesson from it. I'm not a bitter person, I don't hold grudges for very long, even when hurt badly. I don't exact revenge... I try to be the better person when someone hurts me and I don't kick people when they are down. I respected and trusted him, one of my best friends, and when I was in the midst of grief for the loss of my stepdad and a friend, he kicked me, he kicked me real hard.

I was betrayed in so many ways; I was so angry and hurt, if he'd been close enough I would have spat on him for his lack of sensitivity, lack of judgement, for his cruelty. Who does that sort of thing??? (Wikipedia PD)

Nearly two weeks later I am ready to let go of that hurt, to say my piece and move on. Not too bad really all things considered. I wrote a reply to his "dear jane" email today... the email that left me with a broken heart and broken spirit. I won't send it, at least not likely as the email is not for him, it's for me. I poured my heart and soul and all the hurt he caused me and is causing to others, into that reply. I held nothing back, and I feel good about it. I needed to vent the hurt, the anger, in a constructive way, disentagling myself from my involment in his behaviour, and it helped, a lot.

Today a good friend gave me a couple of websites that were very helpful, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, aka NPD, in all it's forms (PD), is a very real illness and I do not have to be bound to this type of person; it is in fact draining and unhealthy for me. I cannot be what this person needs, because no matter how far I reach, I can't fill the void within him, only he can do that himself, and only if he acknowledges the need.

Now I can put the anger and the hurt behind me, I can let go of the pain that only prevents me from being all I can be and causes him no grief. As for him, all I can do is pray for him, pray he will acknowledge this behaviour, pray he finds the help he needs, pray no one else is hurt. With God I am strong, with my friends I have support, respect and love; I can, and already am, moving forward.