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“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” ~Dr. Seuss

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Really... just what the heck WAS I thinking???

Anger, n.
1. an emotion, subjectively experienced as an aroused state toward someone or something perceived to be the source of an aversive event;
2. A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

Hurt, adj.
1.a wound or pain; to be painful;
2. wounded, physically injured;
3. pained
v. cause (a creature) physical pain and/or injury;
5. to cause (somebody) emotional pain;

Betray, v.
1. fail: disappoint, prove undependable to; abandon, forsake
2. deceive: cause someone to believe an untruth

I took him back... I forgave the past, I couldn't quite forget, but I forgave it and was willing to move forward for what I thought we shared. I thought he was one of my best friends, my match... I was was wrong and I have learnt a hard and painful lesson from it. I'm not a bitter person, I don't hold grudges for very long, even when hurt badly. I don't exact revenge... I try to be the better person when someone hurts me and I don't kick people when they are down. I respected and trusted him, one of my best friends, and when I was in the midst of grief for the loss of my stepdad and a friend, he kicked me, he kicked me real hard.

I was betrayed in so many ways; I was so angry and hurt, if he'd been close enough I would have spat on him for his lack of sensitivity, lack of judgement, for his cruelty. Who does that sort of thing??? (Wikipedia PD)

Nearly two weeks later I am ready to let go of that hurt, to say my piece and move on. Not too bad really all things considered. I wrote a reply to his "dear jane" email today... the email that left me with a broken heart and broken spirit. I won't send it, at least not likely as the email is not for him, it's for me. I poured my heart and soul and all the hurt he caused me and is causing to others, into that reply. I held nothing back, and I feel good about it. I needed to vent the hurt, the anger, in a constructive way, disentagling myself from my involment in his behaviour, and it helped, a lot.

Today a good friend gave me a couple of websites that were very helpful, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, aka NPD, in all it's forms (PD), is a very real illness and I do not have to be bound to this type of person; it is in fact draining and unhealthy for me. I cannot be what this person needs, because no matter how far I reach, I can't fill the void within him, only he can do that himself, and only if he acknowledges the need.

Now I can put the anger and the hurt behind me, I can let go of the pain that only prevents me from being all I can be and causes him no grief. As for him, all I can do is pray for him, pray he will acknowledge this behaviour, pray he finds the help he needs, pray no one else is hurt. With God I am strong, with my friends I have support, respect and love; I can, and already am, moving forward.

3 What you say....:

Kimberly said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Amen to you my dear Shannon.

You're onward & upward.

insanelybusymomma said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Well Miss Shannon, I must commend you on being the bigger person throughout this ordeal. Personally though, well I'm not even going to say it, but if you should decide that some measure of revenge is needed let me know LOL. As you know, it's one thing that I'm pretty good at.

Time heals all wounds and this one will fade with time too hun. If you need to talk, feel free to give me a shout.

Loves ya girlie

Chris :)

Heather said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

All I can say is, "Be grateful its done and over." I was married to a PD like this one. And I am soooo grateful I am no longer. Time will heal the wounds and don't waste time in revenge. It's lost on a PD like that.